Blank Page

My hands shaking
The page is tear-stained

How do I make something
That shows so much love

So much pain
Regret

My mind throbbing
Heart aching

I drop my pencil
I give up

Only you would have cared anyway.

Chasing Strangers

I see a man walking,
My mind is playing tricks on me

His gate is not yours,
But for half a second,
I hope,


I pray


It must be you.

It has it be you.

I need it to be you.



I stare at him, chase him

He turns and looks at me,
A stranger




gasp
walk away
forget







Minutes later,

I see another man walking


and again,


My mind is playing tricks on me.

When I Close My Eyes (The Smell)

Trouble breathing,
Inhale, mouth open
I taste it

Morning breath and blood,
Sweat, tears, water
I smell it, to my right

The tears, the water,
I smell the chlorine faintly,
The drugs smell stronger,

Your long body stretched before me,
A blanket covers you, pure white.
I watch the blood rise in your nose

Rise and fall, it rolls away


drip



drip




drip



water, blood, chlorine, hospital, cool, cold, sweat, tears, antithetic

that’s the scent

the aroma that surrounded your dying body

you watching your body die

that’s the scent

of you watching me,


the smell of your ghost.

I Caught You

I caught myself smiling today,
Living in the moment
I felt purity in my heart
Beautiful, in the springtime
The time we fell in love

My favourite part of the year
When life begins anew
The small sparks of life
Sprout from winter death

I caught myself feeling beautiful
Doing something that I loved.
I looked into the mirror and saw
Two eyes of different colours
Two eyes so alive
And I remember how you loved me
Looking into me
Kissed my ear hello

I lay in the grass
Feel the sun warm my soul
Thinking back to times of beauty
When I curled up next to you
Kissed you on the lips
Oh, my very first
Sensations of love, so refreshed
So new, strange
Powerful

I caught myself crying
A single lonely tear
And I remember how you carried me
The second time I saw you

I remember how you treated me
So delicately, like a flower
Your hand tingles on my shoulder
As you protect me,
Your little vanilla bean.

And I caught the spring breeze
Remembered how it felt
To fall in love

Closed my eyes
Joy whispered in my ear
A small kiss from the wind


I’m watching

The Fight We Never Had

He wanted to drive, something not safe for him to do ... this is how I envision that fight.

__________________________________

I cried, begged, to afraid too scream
Sweetie, sweetie please
What if? You know.

We’re just not safe
I trust you, but you can’t
Don’t lie, please

Just be safe,
Let me drive
I’ll take you anywhere
Everywhere
Let me guide you
Please

I’ll do it
Anything
To keep you safe
To keep you alive
Just please, baby please



Let me drive.

A Peck Goodbye

Last time I saw you,
I gave a goodbye kiss

A tiny little peck,
In the nape of your neck

Couldn’t reach
Your cheek or nose

A tiny peck,
Just because

First time I ever kissed you
goodbye

I just wish that goodbye wasn’t





real.

The Leaves ...

The leaves of memory seemed to make a mournful rustling in the dark. They drifted from the tress, slowly falling, one by one. A small girl stood below the tree chasing them, hoping to catch them. As her hands grasped each leaf it crumbled, shattered by her touch. She watched them blow away, scattering amongst lovers, friends, and those who are alone.

The leaves were stepped on carelessly, blindly. They fell into the rivers and streams, drowning. The little girl made it her quest to retrieve these leaves. She would chase and find each leaf to preserve and protect its beauty. She picked up the closest fallen leaf and saw a lover crying, holding hands with a man lost.

The girl gasped, the colour robbed from her face.

“I’ll find your memories” she promised.