The Colours, The Scent

Wrote this a while ago ... It's a little bit harsh, cold, sad, barren, just a mood I feel once in a while ...

The colours so vivid in my mind
They blend
The hazelnut in your eyes,
Blinking slowly, not seeing, not thinking

The pink of our teddy bear,
The one you gave me,
A makeshift pillow

The red, rising and falling,
Dripping from your nose,
You lungs, poisoned,
It rolls back, towards your cheek
Along your eye

Those beautiful hazelnut eyes
Blinking blindly

The pale of the brown of your skin,
A little bit of life lost.

The white sheets, yellow washcloths,
Lightly stained
Red

The waiting room,
The purple chairs,
Little dark blue swirls

The small white sheets,
They give us to sleep with

The bright red lipstick
Of the nurse, she bends,
Puts little blue bags on my bare tired feet
My tired pacing feet

The colours so bright, walls light, dirty yellow
So vivid
I sit, I wait
I see your brothers

Did they call me?
I hear someone say come.
I look to them, in peace.

I shake it off, my head in my hands
Darla

Louder, more distinct,
I jerk

My friend recoils
“Whats wrong?”

I look towards the brothers,
Just twelve, so quiet,
The twins,

“I thought I heard my name”

A moment so quiet, so silent, so empty

The nurse arrives,

“Can the family come?”

Your mom, your dad, your older brother.
I get up, I hesitate,
Am I family?
They wave me in.

I follow,
We don’t stop to wash our hands
And the smell, the chlorine, the clean,
the hospital,
The water, your sweat, our tears,
its haunts me

Your parents to the left,
Your father looks upwards

Me, your brother, on the right.
They speak
They cry.
To afraid to believe,

I hold, I kiss your hand,
I see no colours,
Just black and white,
My senses keep turning off
But the smell, that cool, refreshing scent
The cruel, toxic, struggling scent
Is strong.

The nurses tell us,
Your heart has stopped,
But your chest still rises,
Motorized

I am to be dragged away, I lean forward
Kiss your nose, kiss your top lip,
Above the tubes.

I taste your scent,
I taste your life,
Your blood,
Smears my cheek,

I taste your death
And your brother carries me away,

But I can’t feel his touch.
I can’t feel the hugs,
The kisses, the warmth,
The comfort thrown at me,
From strangers, from friends

Everywhere I go,
Wearing your sweaters,
It’s just too damn cold.