Two Months Ago

Wrote this yesterday ... today is two months since he died

Two months ago tomorrow
You blinked and blinked
And blinded
5 am
First time I’d seen
Those beautiful eyes
For a long, long time
I thought it was a miracle
Thought you heard my voice
But you just kept on blinking
Those beautiful honey nut brown

Two months ago today
Around 7 am
You told me you lost your gloves
You didn’t have the heart to tell me
You didn’t want to say
It was a gift, special to you
Lost, forever on the bus

Two months ago tomorrow
I sang a song
To the early morn
Still awake
From the day before
“You kiss my nose,
the feeling shows”

Two months ago today
We had a mini spat
We talked about my dad
I told you about a book
I wanted you to read,
Help you understand
A tiny bit more
Of yourself
and how I saw you

Two months ago tomorrow
Three friends came to see you
The only three I knew
One cried
One blessed you
The third, simply numb

Today
I called around 11,
Talked while you road the bus
You were having fun
Just a group of friends
Knew I hated saying bye

Tomorrow,
Paced outside the hall
Two am to three
Chanting, whispering
To myself, to you
“be strong, so strong”

Today,
Missed you
Knew it was silly,
We already talked twice
But I wanted again
7:30, I called you

Tomorrow
Couldn’t sleep
Couldn’t stop
Shaking with grief
I listened to the machine
The one that made you breath
The only thing that could soothe me

Today,
Your little brother answered
So typically
“Can I talk to Jason?”
He’s not here.
He’s in the hospital
Voice shaking,
I got your mothers number

Tomorrow
Sitting, waiting
Waiting for news
Head in my hands,
Knew hope was fading,
Would you ever wake up?

Today,
I told my mom
We need to go

Tomorrow
Silent moments,
Silent tears
Heard a few words
Only for me
Come
and I jerked
my name

Today,
Driving to the hospital
Called your mom again
“Don’t come alone,
its bad.
Its really bad”

Tomorrow,
The nurse came
Summoned us,
The family,
The girlfriend,
I almost didn’t go
Didn’t know my rights

Today,
Walked into the hospital,
Say your parents crying,
Saw your brother come,
The took us in together

Tomorrow,
I saw the numbers dropping
Heard your mother scream
You did too, saw your heart jump

Today,
Took one look at you
All those machines
Your nose was bleeding,
Dripping towards your eyes
Would you ever see?

Tomorrow,
Turned off the screen,
Don’t know when you stopped
I kissed your hand, I watched you die

Two month ago today,
Last words you ever spoke to me

“I’m gonna say bye now”